Corrupt-A-Wish!

CAW is played by granting and corrupting the wish of the person above you. Please avoid asplosions of the head.
Good CAW:
Person 1: I wish, I wish I was a fish.
Person 2: Granted, but there's no water at your computer, so you flop about then drown.
Bad CAW:
I wish I had a shitload of money
Granted, but your head asplodes.


Ok. Here's my wish:
I wish that my nation wasn't broke and that I had something to show for 90 days of CN. (Should I delete and make a new one? I have 100k, coal and gems, and a small military.)

Granted, but you eventually become obsessed, live CN for the rest of your life, and die alone due to a lack of social connections.

I wish I woke up earlier for breakfast.

Granted, but the only things to eat are fish eyes and razor blades.
Edit: Damn, forgot to wish.... this is how these things get screwed up. I wish that I could get more sleep.

granted coma boy.
i wish i had some hacking skills

granted, but you accidentally hack your mom's computer, and see all of her recorded pr0n with your dad.

i wish i had some more milky way candy bars

granted but they melted in the heat
i wish i had been paid already

Granted, but the government takes all but $1

I wish I could find the perfect avatar

Granted. Come here to get your cake.
I wish I had world domination.

granted but its so not fun
i wish the day was already over

Wish granted, but during the time you skipped, you would have been off the internet for long enough to engage in meaningful social activities, so you wasted your chance.

I wish I had a beer right about now.

granted but its warm and flat...
i wish for some pizza

Granted, but it has pinapples, anchovies, and pepperoni made from the flesh of panda bears.
I wish I finally had spring break. It starts on Saturday for me.

granted but you break your arms and legs leaping for joy and spend the break in traction
i wish i got paid today

Granted, but you get mugged on the way out of your office/retail store.
I wish new episodes of House came out.

Granted, but House has been recast as Jack Black.

I wish my essays were finished

Granted, but they fail miserably.

I wish I had some vodka.

Granted, but... well.... vodka already tastes like crap. It's been... POISONED!!!
I wish school sucked less.

granted it just sucks now
i wish for a 4 day weekend

Granted, but you're assigned much more work to do over the weekend than you can do in the extra 2 days

I wish the semester was over

Granted, but due to a snafu in administration you have a third semester coming.
I wish I wasn't sick.

granted but everyone else is and so its no fun
i wish i didnt have a splinter in my finger

Granted, but now you have hemmorhoids.
I wish I had 100 posts

granted but you never get anymore
i wish i had a stack of pancakes here

Granted, but I took a dump in the batter
I wish the water at the beach got warmer.

granted, i "relived" myself right there..its warm now
i wish for a panda emoticon